To Write or Not To Write

 

Hello everybody, 

It has been a while, what has happened since the last time I wrote here? As you can see from my last posts, I had started a Youtube channel which was actually going really really well, I had grown so much as a person and got way more confident. During the time I had also started weight training for competitions. 

What changed? My daughter started Middle School and I had to drive her to her school to avoid being on the bus at before 6 am for an 8:30am start. My husband was working the night shift and it started to get too much for me on top of filming and editing. ( I had 4 videos a week which is a lot of editing). Then sometime during training, I reinjured my back, which caused me to barely be able to walk. During that time things at my daughter's school started taking a turn as well. A teacher decided it was fun for her to bully not only my child but a few of my daughter's friends, I won't go into detail but my daughter's mental health had declined. Again I won't get into too much detail but the administration and guidance counselor failed us so we gave up or seat in this magnet school and brought her to our local school. Trust me when I say we weren't out of the woods and it caused a lot of trauma for my daughter. With all the craziness and how busy I had gotten and the worries for my child, I stopped taking care of myself, which led to my anxiety becoming worse. I had decided I would go on Hiatus with my channel. 

My daughter needed a long break from school to heal which she was able to do this summer, giving the current state of the global pandemic. But where does this place my Youtube channel? Somehow in the year of my hiatus I developed a fear of filming. Just picking up my camera is hard for me. I loved filming and editing but I am not ready. I need to do this on my own terms and with my physical health also not being the best and me literally feeling like my body is giving out, I can't muster the energy to fix myself up and turn the camera on. I hope that you all can be patient and understand that mental health takes time to heal. I still need to learn how to actually do this whole self-care thing. I am horrible at it, I take care of other rather well just not myself. 

Why this post? Throughout the whole time, I missed writing and I thought why not pick it back up. The husband is working on getting my new Hallyu Heaven website up so I can continue with my channel but in Blog form. Why posting on Nerdy Fox Hollow? I thought I could keep this like it always has been my brain dumb hahah. I want to write here freely, my current favorites, things on my mind, anything really. I will keep Kpop And K drama news to Hallyu Heaven and have this be just Nikki.

So yeah. I hope I can write more often and I hope you guys will enjoy my brain dump :D 

Please, everybody, stay safe out there! Wear your masks! 

xoxo, Nikki